never EVER mess with other's subordinates!
by NorthernShinigami
Summary: hitsugaya doesn't like when another captain messing with his subordinates., so all hell break lose and freezes over with his sweet revenge. one-shot,THIRD post doe to spelling :D and this time its BETTER!


**DISCLAIMER**: don't oen bleach, only Yuri is mine ;3

spell check....and little changes.

* * *

"Taicho........there's something important i need to tell you."

Hitsugaya looked up at from his desk and paperwork. He knew what 'importent' was with Matsumoto Rangiku's point of view (ahmsakeahm), but she sounded quite serious. And she looked serious too. And pale, like she was sick or something.

In that moment the tenth's third seat, Asakura Yuri came in to the office with more paperwork. The captain decided that what his fukotaicho has to say is probably important and turned to Yuri. "Asakura, could you-" But Matsumoto cut in ."It's ok, you can stay. Actually, i need you to stay, but be ready to dash."

The captain sighed. "And what had done_ now_, matsumotu?" Said the unimpressed captai, not turning his gaze from the paperwork.

"Taicho! it wasn't my fault!" The blond fukotaicho whined. the white hared captain mumbled something that sounded like ' really now?'. he obviously didn't believed her.

"Really! you see, i was drinking last night and..."Now Hitsugayamumbled something under his breath that sounded like: 'of course you were...'. "And Shuhhei..arr..Hisagi-fukotaicho was with me and...ah..." For some reason, the strawberry-blond woman started to get anxious and nervous.

"And..you see, we don't uselly d. .._that." S_he hoped that they would understand what she's talking about.

"Do what?" The third seat asked in confusion. "Get drunk?"

The nervous fukotaicho flinched. They_ didn't _understand.

"No...you see, even if we get drunk [Hitsugaya: _'if?!_'] we don't...do_..it_....you know..what two (or more) people do when they in love...like.."

Hitsugaya, who was listening and doing his paperwork in the same time, accidentally had his pen pressed on the paper too much as vein popped up on his forehead. His eyebrow was twitching repeatedly.

"Matsumoto, I REALLY _DON'T_need to know about your...about_ this!_" He started cleaning the big stain of ink that the (broken) pen had left on his precious paperwork.

"But taicho, it REALLY _WASN'T _my fault!" She whined in protest. "You see, i told this to the shinigami women association, and Nemu felt guilty about it, so she told me the truth. It turns out that Kurotsuchi-taicho invented this new_ very_ intense aphrodisiac, and decided to test it on me..."

Hitsugaya stopped moving, but kept his gaze on his papers. The room temperature dropped a _little_.

"..You know, since I'm a grown woman and..ah..sexually prepared..well you know...." she coughed. But it seems that the captain was listening only semi-attentively now, _or_ with all his attention.....

"But don't blame Nemu! she didn't do anything! she was just filling orders, right?!" The blond fukotaicho eyed the third seat. Yuri blinked in slight confusion.

"Yeah, so anyway," Matsumoto started get anxious again. "Since it was quite...a....unforeseen...we didn't had much control that night, you know, because of the sake and Kurotsuchi's aphrodisiac...."

OK, the room temperature dropped a_lot_ now.

"..And its not like we could oust it out of our bodies, specially since we didn't knew anything....so.....and..."

"....so...we..ah...didn't use any...protection products." she coughed again.

She cold see his eyebrow twitch ones. The temperature dropped again. The alerted fukotaicho eyed the third seat hurriedly. Suddenly, Yuri understood and dashed out from the tenth office to the twelfth division.

For five minutes there was silence.

Matsumotostarted to play with her fingers.

"So...the really important thing i need to tell you is.."

The white haired captain put his hands on the desk.

"Is that I'm...argh.....I'm..a...."

The white haired captain pushed himself with his chair away from the desk. (The chair crashed into the wall behind.)

Then matsumoto said, or more likely spat, one word.

Hitsugaya stood up from the chair. His eyes fixed on the desk, hidden beneath dark shadow. The room was freezing now.

Matsumoto flinched, and with small, high pitched 'IKK' she fled out of the room.

~x~x~x~

"Kurotsuchi! you went to far! " Ukitake protest loudly.

"Yeah, next time at least supply them some protection products." Kyoraku chuckled with playful voice. though the issue _was _serious, it was quite amusing too. especially Hisagi's current state.

"Taicho!!" nanao hit her captain with her book.

Nanao was really pissed at this. After rangiku told her that she was pregnant, and Isane confirmed that, she went to Unohana-taicho, that confirmed that too. Now, she, her captain, Ukitake-taicho, Unohana-taicho, Kotetsu-fukotaicho, and few others was standing inside the twelfth division lab, confronting Kurotsuchi.

The others, were Hisagi, who was standing behind the group, looking dazed, pale and flushed and sick; white, red and green (that would be purple, no?) all in the same time. And Ranji, Iba, Ikkaku, and Yumichka and Kira who were trying to comfort him somehow.

Well, at least Kira was trying. The first three were laughing there asses really hard, and yumichika was just sighing and shaking his head on their lack of sympathy.

(If you ask why Renji and 11Th, its because just like Matsumoto had told SWA, Hisagi spilt everything to Kira and Renji, and Renji told Ikkaku and Ikkaku told Iba. Matsumoto also told Yumichika, and so renjim, iba and Ikkaku had found out about Kurotsuchi. Nanao had told her captain, and Ukitake, and now the whole of them were here, in the twelfth division, and dragged poor Shuhhei with them....OK, now i got confused -....oh, yeah, Yachiru was there too, chirping and giggling).

Suddenly, the lab's doors burst open and red haired girl went inside, panting, she ran to Nemu and whispered something to her ear.

Nemu looked at the panting girl that was stabilizing herself with her hands on her knees in a half-kneeling position, then stepped to Akon and whispered something to him. Then she returned to her father.

Mayuri snapped, angry "What was that?! how dare that girl to burst into MY lab?! Nemu! what had she said to you?! speak, you dolt!"

"My apology, Mayuri-sama, but that was an urgent message from the soutaicho, and couldn't be passed by a hell-butterfly. Please, let us go to another room, it is really classified and truly urgent."

"Very well." Mayuri growled in annoyance, and stepped to another door, Nemu right behind him. Suddenly, right before closing the door, she looked behind and gave Akon a small nod. Akon nodded back.

The present captains eyed the girl disbelieving look. If it was an urgent message, and even if it wasn't, but since it was urgent, shouldn't Yamamoto-soutaichou send special ninja-shinigami to deliver it? if she was one of those ninjas she wouldn't have panting right now. Plus, she wear the _usual _shinigami rubes.

Kurotsuchi was probably really pissed at the crowd that was bursting into his lab and interrupting him today if he had failed to notice that.

Ukitake smiled a little in amusement at the red haired girl. " Your not a messenger, are you?"

The girl took deep breath, returning to breath normally. " It dependents on how you look at it. " She stood straight and presented herself.

"Third seat, tenth squad. I suggest you _really _should leave now." She said with big grin. And in that moment, all of them felt very intense, floating and familiar reitsu, and for some reason, very dark too. They particularly could feel the madness and blood-lust in that reitsu (Kenpachi would have been proud)- which, by the way, was approaching closer and closer, and the temperature was dropping below zero as the demonic reitsu approached.

In that moment, Renji, Iba and Ikkaku stopped laughing, and everyone went pale; with all the excitement, they had forgot one thing: Matsumoto's captain!

Akon turned to the twelfth's working shinigami and announced: "OK everyone, lets carry this 'urgent message', shall we?, everyone who don't their asses to freeze over; OUT!".

And with a blink of an eye, and quick windy breeze, the three captains, seven vice-captains, two third seat's and one fifth seat (that was actually the fourth), had realized that only they had left in the twelfths lab.

With another blink, the floor, walls, ceiling and all the technological devices were covered with thick ice, that begin to get even thicker.

They dashed out of the room before their asses would torn into meat pposicles (UGH).

When they were ten meters away from the lab doors, they passed a white haired short demon with red blazing eyes, clad black and white. Well, actually, there wasn't any black, seeing as the demon was clad with floating blazing spiritual force, whose colors were bright blue- almost white (for the ice), red (for the anger and blood-lust) and black (for the dark mood\mode).

OK, so maybe there _is_ some black.

The demon-boy-captain was clutching long sword with four pointed star-shaped guard and pale purple hilt.

again, they weren't sure about the color.

Also, they could hear silent, yet dangerous growls. Or roars.

Probably roars.

The short demon (that frankly, didn't looked so small now) entered the lab. The lab doors shattered.

Everyone who was still close to the area were running away for their dear lives.

Mayuri burst out of the other room, looking around and noticing the white hared demon with blazing crimson eyes.

He was about to say something when there was outburst of reitsu that destroyed and shattered everything around the demon-boy. After freezing it of course.

Mayuri started to self defense. "No need to be so angry, really! weren't you always complaining that your fukotaicho was skipping work and how irresponsible she is? well then, i solved your problem now!" Mayuri started to get very nervous and frightened now. Which was rare. He wasn't afraid that much since his first (and last) attempt to enter the Shinigami Women Association...and beeing chased away...by Ise.....

as he was tolking, Nemu passed him to the entrance, she stepped slowly to see if the tenth captaing would stop her. He didn't, so she ran outside.

Mayuri hadn't noticed her. "She will be mother, which means she'll must learn some responsibilities, after all taking care of kids isn't easy, you know."

WRONG CALL!

Hitsugaya Toshirou, the icy kid demon captain: ".......*Eyebrow: twitch*....."

Kurotsuchi Mayuri, the soon-to-be-dead-Popsicle-inside-of-a-ruined-freezer freak scientist: ".......Shit."

"Souten ni zase, HYORINMARU!" ("sit upon the frozen heaven"; literally!)

_Outside:_

"Wow.....Zaraki-taicho would love to see that..hye, where the hell is he anyway?!..." the 11th's third seat noted to himself to arrange battle with Hitsugaya-taicho. Of course, first he need to get him angry. hey, maybe he can do that even now?!

And the twelfth fukotaicho noted to herself to do list of supply for the new lab; iron and concrete of course, because they needed first to rebuilt the ruined structures. Now, new computers, screens, other technological instruments....good thing that the chemistry lab is in the other side of the division, though they probably have to carefully to melt everything....oh, and they need to melt _very _carefully the nuclear reactor; good thing that it was frozen, not burn....

Nemu made another note to herself: send that weekly reminder to Yamamoto-soutaicho; 'not to overdo with his powers.'

Wouldn't wont to all of soul society to perish, right? that's aizen, not us. Hye, maybe they could move that reactor to Karakura?...you know, for safety...'I'm sure the shinigami-substitute would LOVE to help...after all, he did help us that much until now...'

Mow, Nemu was very loyal servant, (even more then Ulquiorra, who was in second place) but she agreed with Ukitake-taicho: her dear father went a 'little' to far this time. She likes Matsumoto fukotaicho, she's nice.

Horrified scream echoed through Seireitei. The twelfth division building shattered and collapsed as huge ice spears had break through and burst out, one of them looked slight darker, like there's something inside.

Oh, and they have to melt Mayuri-sama too.....'wait....now that i think of it, they said that the ice of Hyorinmaru never melts.....that will cause a little problem....'

"Wow....it went better then i thought!" Everyone turned to gape at Matsumoto with shocked and terrified expressions. Hisagi flushed even more. If that's even possible.

The pregnant blond fukotaicho blinked. "What?! at least he didn't yell at me." She smiled sweetly and eyed Hisagi. "And he didn't tried to kill Suhhei......yet."

Hisagi Shuhhei fainted.

Yumichka shook his head and sighed.

"'Speaking about lack of sympathy..."

~x~x~x~

After that, Kurotsuchi Mayuri made note to himself for life:

Never, EVER, mess with another's subordinates.

Specially, not lieutenants with murderous captains.

specially ,not with tenth devision's subordinates.

At least, until hitsugaya retire. Or die in battle. Or betray them.

The first probably wont happen soon, so he hoped for the last two; betray them or die in battle. Either way, he would be dead and wouldn't interrupt him. (Unless Hyurinmaru would go crazy after his death and no one would be able to stop him until new wielder would be found.)

"....Need to prepare for the ice age. Nemu, come here you dolt, i need you to make a list!"

"Yes, Mayuri-sama"

~x~x~x~

Everyone in Seireitei didn't dare to make Hitsugaya-taicho angry again.

.....................................It lasted exactly two weeks, until Ukitake burst into his office with stock of candy.

Kenpachi, Yachiru and Ikkaku were there that instant. (Yachiru for the candy)

Seeing as Matsumoto was in no condition to work, see made the third seat, Yuri, her substitute.

.....The girl was fluttered.

.......Until she saw the piles of paperwork on the desk, screaming 'Do me!'

..........Though she was underage, she was seriously considering to start drinking.

The next meetings of the Shinigami Women Association was about very important issue: the baby's name. Ikkaku, Renji and Iba were the representative of the masculine gender, so the baby won't be giving some girly fluffy name, or else, the child's father would slice them (which was in high doubt to some of the more logical members of the group [AKA kira and Yasochika], that remembered Hisagi's **69** tattoo...)

....After he get out of his depression.

.......Like now, that the father- Hisagi- had locked himself inside the ninth division office, crying and subbing and ignoring Kira's attempts to get him to open up the door.

Yumichka just shook his head and sighed.

'Shouldn't the mother be in postpartum depression?...and _after_ the birth?!'

He shook his head and sigh

'I Wonder...can Kurotsuchi-taicho make male to get pregnant?....Ikkaku would be a lovely father...i hope.'

He shook his head.

And as the fifth seat walked away from the ninth division building, a whine-scream could be heard.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE A FATHER!!"

He sighed.

~x~x~x~

New Urban legend was born that day in rukongai'sdistricts; it said, that if you use aphrodisiac to seduce two people into sexual contact, and one of them get pregnant, a dragon-demon with icy black halo would invade inside the body of the pregnant one, change his shape to that of a ten years old boy with white hair and blazing red eyes and destroy your house, freezing it and yourself with never-melting ice. It's said that the demon's spirit lives inside a long sword with four pointed star-shaped guard, the hilt's color unknown.

The legend's origin is also unknown.

~x~x~x~

Ulquiorra noted to himself to kill his rival-in-loyalty-rank.

....~x~x-**THE END**-x~x~....


End file.
